wrote: > The parents of a 14-year-old girl, lifelong patient, want me to help them > obtain a lab specimen from their child so that they can do paternity studies. > Dad's sperm count was low, so they used a sperm donor, but can't be sure that > they didn't get lucky and conceive the child with home-grown spermatozoa. > My trouble is, they don't want to tell their daughter about this until after > they get the results. They figure if there's no other bio-father, why bother > to upset the kid? As I see it, it's a mistake to trick the kid. I figure they > might as well deal with the situation up front. > This area came up in the recent Pediatric Notes with the editor taking the > position of keeping secrets if possible. My instinct is to be as open about > this as we've learned to be open about conventional adoption. When kids in > this situation learn about the birds and the bees, why don't we tell them > there are some alternative ways of making babies? > I have an appointment with the family on Thursday to discuss the issue. > > Max Kahn, MD > New York, NY You bring up a couple of points. First, I would have to agree with Kim and Gary that the Dad who's been there is Dad. Sperm are cheap, fatherhood is real work. It's essential to explore why the family wants to dredge this up now, before getting a blood sample that's going to make the daughter suspicious that something's being hidden from her. Second, kids aren't dumb, and they know that there are other, technologically-assisted ways of making babies. I agree that kids should be taught about these just like they should be about the original method. I don't know what things are like from a sex ed point of view in a generally liberal area like New York, but here in the Right-Wing Wild West, just getting to the point where Health teachers could say the word "condom" was a fight. I make these comments as a pediatrician and a proud father of one and one on the way with friends looking into IVF. By the way, Kim, I hope your reproductive concerns of last week turned out whatever way makes you happy. -- Andrew M. Eisen, MD Assistant Professor of Pediatrics Associate Director, Pediatric Residency Program University of Nevada School of Medicine